Trying to get pregnant while dealing with infertility

This is not my usual style, it's going to be very personal and probably a little bit more information than you ever really wanted. But since getting pregnant we've had so many people say "I was wondering what your deal was"... not in so many words, but you get the point. So here is our story.

We got married about 6 years ago with the intent to wait about 2 years and then start having kids. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to know each other before you have kids and to develop as an adult. We do believe in using birth control and we did use it.

After about 3 years of not trying to have kids (notice I didn't say "not wanting" because I think we both have always wanted them) we decided it was a good time to start trying. We fasted and prayed and both felt it was time to start trying. I was quite sure that this was a thing that was going to happen right away for us, I felt the time was right and that it would come quickly.

After about 6 months of being unsuccessful I decided to call the doctor. I knew we couldn't get in saying that we'd been trying for several months unsuccessfully because you can't go in for that reason until you've been trying for about a year. (Un)luckily I wasn't having a normal period... or one at all. So I made my appointment, which was in 2 months, so by the time I saw the doctor we had been trying for 8 months. During the appointment, I also told him we were trying to get pregnant to see if he could help us out there. He gave me the usual speech about seeing what happens after a year and that true infertility doesn't get diagnosed until 2 years of being unsuccessful. I then told him my family history of how both my mother and sister have had the same problems and he decided it was ok to start me on fertility medicine.

Whew, that stuff made me CRAZY at first. I have always been so prideful about being in control of my emotions. But for that first 10 days... watch out! Luckily that was a one time deal. I started off on just a couple of pills. One to regulate my period and another to make sure I actually ovulated. Months and months of nothing. After about 6 months I got to go back in... still unsuccessful. That's when the fun testing begins. Blood tests were first. We found out that my body was telling itself "Self: you're lactating so you don't need to ovulate." My body is really dumb to tell itself that. Got a pill for that. Then it said "Hey, I'm still not going to ovulate." Got a pill for that. Then it said "Well I like sugar so I'm going to eat a lot of that"... okay, maybe that was me, but got a pill to help with that. There was a point that I was taking 7 pills a day (some being prenatal) but still, it seemed like a lot.

Then there was this fun time where I was playing night ultimate frisbee with the Young Men and Young Women in my ward and decided it would be fun to tear my ACL... again. So I had the surgery, which really was only supposed to set us back about a month, but shortly following the surgery was blood clots, which moved into my lungs and turned into pulmonary embolisms. Did you know that blood thinners were a category X drug? DON'T GET PREGNANT WHILE YOU'RE TAKING THEM OR YOU COULD DIE. Strong words from my doctor. He told me to get off of all of my fertility medicine and just take this for 6 months. By this time we'd been trying for close to 2 years, putting me in the official "infertile" category. Me=sad.

We had some time to think and prepare during this time. It was nice to not have the constant reminder that we couldn't get pregnant, but it was torture waiting that time. The 6 months ended and I went straight back to the doctor for some more pills. After a few months he ordered some more tests. There is one where they put die in you and x-ray your tubes to see if there is any sort of blockage. That one actually hurt. My x-ray technician almost got kicked in the face a couple of times. That one came up clear, which was a huge relief.

It seemed every time I went to the doctor I would get more nervous. Would this be the time that he told us we just couldn't have kids at all? Would he say that it just wasn't in our future? Would he hand me some pamphlets on adoption? This was an option I knew we may seriously have to consider, and watching one of my friends go through the process made me know that it would still be many years before we had that child that we longed for so deeply. And the ups and downs were probably even worse than trying to get pregnant.

The advice was endless. A lot I asked for, but a lot I didn't. I had standing on my head to "you're having too much sex" (that was my favorite). I laughed until I asked my doctor and he said we were. Every other day is the trick, not everyday. Give your man some time to reload :)

Months were still going by. I think every month was a bigger disappointment than the last. We then got a tip from our neighbor that a house in our neighborhood was going up for sale. We weren't really in the market for a house, but we knew we loved our neighborhood so we looked it over and fell in love with it. The house buying process was a very nice distraction from trying to get pregnant. I set aside all my calendars of when I was ovulated and when I was perioding (is that a word) and concentrated on that. About a week before we moved in to the house I was 5 days late (which wasn't an abnormal thing). I was frustrated though because the cramps were driving me crazy and I was super duper moody. I finally just bought a pregnancy test just to ease my mind to wait for it to come up negative like it had so many times in the past. I peed on it, threw it in the sink, and went to leave the room. As I did, out of the corner of my eye I spotted that positive. I dropped to my knees in disbelief. I think I sat there for a good five minutes before I realized I had to leave for work. I packed up the test and headed straight for Chad. We both couldn't believe what we were looking at.

I took another test that night, just to make sure. It was really surreal. My friend had come over that night and I couldn't keep it in and told her. After a couple of "are you serious?" we were jumping up and down and I was crying (please keep in mind that I'm the girl that NEVER cries... oh how that has changed).

I sit here 13 weeks 4 days pregnant. Still not sure of what to do and still so petrified that this isn't going to last. Every morning when I throw up is bitter-sweet. I throw up knowing that the baby is saying "I'm still here" but I don't like feeling like crap every day... but I'll take it. I do have to say that during the process that there was a lot of whining and "poor me's" going on. I have great friends, though, and I mean REALLY great friends. Chad was always so patient and understanding. I know we're not the only ones to have gone through this... and technically we haven't made it all the way through. It really was a hard process. It's hard watching people accidentally get pregnant and be disappointed, or watching people have their 3rd baby since you've been trying. It's hard not to think that the Lord doesn't trust you with one of his choice children or that somehow He's protecting you from being a bad parent. It's hard to smile when a comforting hand it patting you on the back and saying "it will happen, you just need to be patient." I can't say that I'm not a better person today though. Patience is definitely something I can say that something that I've learned. I've also learned that I don't have nearly the control over my own life that I thought. :)

New House

It's been a while since we've updated. A long while. It seems like we've been busy with this-and-that.

We are officially home owners. We are so excited. We were able to find a house just down the street from where we were currently living. We really love our neighborhood, so this was a huge bonus to us.

One of our neighbors tipped us off that this house was going for sale. We didn't really think too much of the house before, but we decided to check it out. We fell in love with it instantly. We love the hardwood and tile floors. The previous owners did a lot of improvements on it.

Here are some pictures

This is our house. It has 2052 sq feet. 4 rooms (one technically doesn't count because it doesn't have a closet, but we still count it). 1 3/4 bath. Plus a bonus sun/study room for us.

The living room. I love the hard wood floors

Our Kitchen. Chad installed that dishwasher during Thanksgiving break. It was a lot more work than I thought, but he did a great job and we're happy for it.

Our basement. The ceilings are kind of low, but we love the extra space

The Fruit room. We love having a food storage room. Plus we have another storage room. We're not use to so much space.

Happy Anniversary

6 years ago these two characters thought it would be a good idea to get married.


And...
8 bikes
6 cars
1 apartment
4 neighbors
2 knee surgeries
1 pulling over in bird's eye to throw up
3 cell phone companies
4 computers
1 trip to the Atlantic
1 trip to the Pacific
4 GPS's
459 Geocaches
11 church callings
5 jobs
1 trip to the emergency room
a few tears
and lot of laughs later... we are still going strong.

I would love to say that it has been nothing but love and bliss since... but since we all are aware of a little thing called "reality" we know it hasn't. But I have been very happy and glad that I made the choice. I don't think I could have found anyone better. I'm happy that it's eternity and I'm happy that it's Chad. I love you.

Look how confident this young couple looks




We were so tired of getting our picture taken at this point. Can you tell?

My family. My oldest brother Ryan had fallen down the stairs that day and was on some pain medication... can you find him?

Chad's family... minus his sister Jenny. We don't know where she was for this picture.

MS Ride

Last Saturday, the 27th, my friend, Malinda, and my sister-in-law, Lindsie, and I went up to Logan to do a 40 mile bike ride for MS. This course was very similar to the course Malinda and I did a few weeks ago for Breast Cancer, we traveled on many of the same roads.

To be able to ride in this one, we each had to raise at least $250 to go towards the research of finding a cure for MS. Some of you remember getting my requests to help me raise this money. (A big thanks to all those who donated and thanks to all of you who wish you could have and sent me with your well-wishes). We all made our goal, and Lindsie made the goal and then some. It is a very good cause, and while it was a little hard to raise the money, I think it was worth it. We figure that with all the people riding and that most people raised more than the minimum $250 that the event brought in well over 1 million dollars.

The ride was FANASTIC! Knowing how windy it can get in the area, we were a little hesitant. But with a slight breeze and relitively flat ride (but not forgetting that we had a few good hills) we really, really enjoyed ourselves.

All of our husbands and kids (for those of us who have them) were able to meet us at the finish line. Lindsie's family was there, too, from Arizona. It was so awesome to see them all at the end. I don't think they know how much it meant to see them all after riding that 40 miles.

Here are the pictures:
This is Lindsie before the ride. She got that jersey for raising more than $600.

This is Malinda. She's confused what I'm doing. Oh... taking a picture.

This is our first rest stop. Lindsie is eating an orange.

Malinda
Lindsie's mom has MS. She wore her picture for the ride.



Funny story about this picture... at the rest stop Malinda had pulled out some sun screen chapstick so we were all putting it on. This lady comes up and asks if she can use some. Who does that? Anyway, we let her. We figured the least she could do after giving us some sort of unknown disease was take our picture.
After the ride, putting our bikes back on the car. Lindsie is back at the fairgrounds with her family.

Girls Camp

Still playing a little catch up...

Last week we had girls camp in our ward. It was a lot of fun, but it was a lot of work to get there. It seemed like things just kept falling apart before we got it all put together. But, alas, it happened and we had a good time. We went down to a place called "Lake Hill" near Ephraim, which is really pretty.

Here are some pictures:

This is our camp site at Lake Hill. We actually had pretty good weather, for the most part. We had 8 girls 3 leaders and 2 priesthood. The site was plenty big for us.

Just another shot of the camp.

This is the lake of Lake Hill. It was right by our camp. It was pretty, but small.

Katie Biesinger doing my favorite girls camp craft... friendship bracelets.

The group working on Memory Boxes. They are boxes for the mothers who lose their babies in the hospital to put the memorabilia's in. It was a good service project. You may wonder if Katie Barnes (the one painting the box) knows where the camera is... I don't think she does, I don't know who she is smiling at. She was great to come down though, she's not in YW anymore, but she helped out big time. Thanks, Katie. Also, classic Sarah glare (front, red shirt).

Girls setting up the fire.

It started pouring on us Wednesday afternoon, so we decided to pack up and go home. We were going to go home Thursday morning, so it wasn't that much sooner. Plus the girls were complaining that their sleeping bags were starting to get wet. It worked out for the best because then we got the entire bishopric and entire YW presidency there for testimony meeting, which we held in one of the ward members back yard at their fire pit.

A view on the way down the canyon.

Save Second Base

Well, I'm a little behind, but here goes...

On June 6th, my friends Regina, Malinda and I went up to Logan to ride a bike ride for breast cancer, Little Red Riding Hood. It was 46 miles on a relatively flat course. It is an all women ride, so that was fun, in and of itself.

The scenery was amazing and the rest stops were unbeatable (FOOD!) The first 20 miles of the race were quite enjoyable, it was a slight decline and I think the wind was to our backs. After spending a good half an hour at the middle rest stop (chatting with other riders, restroom breaks, and eating) we got going, and so did the wind. Just in case you don't know this, riding in the wind SUCKS!! There was a time that Malinda asked me how far we had gone since the last time she asked and I just had to respond with "don't ask" because what seems like miles is only mile.

But we made it through, and looking back, I do realize it was a lot of fun, despite the wind, and I would do it again.

We had some pretty cool shirts, on the front it said "Breast Friends" and on the back "Save Second Base." We had a lot of people tell us that they liked the shirts, people took pictures, and one lady asked if we had a patent on it. One lady told us that she thought we were mistaken, and we meant "first base." We then explained the "bases" to her and Regina gave her "the talk"... "When a man and a woman love each other..."

Here are some pictures:


The front of our shirts


The back of our shirts


Regina braiding Malinda's hair for the ride


Malinda and Regina


Us before the ride


Malinda and I at our 1/2 break/reststop

Malinda and I finishing the race? Where is Regina, you say? Well, she is taking the picture because she finished an hour before us.


At the finish line
Us at the end with the big, bad wolf.

At the end.

Lance and Brendan (Malinda's husband and son) surprised Malinda by being at the finish line. There was also a chocolate fountain there and Brendan is here eating some.

Biking

Our new goal is to post something at least once a week. I don't know how well that is going to hold up, so there may be quite a few posts about nothing.

Last Saturday, Malinda, Regina and I took a little ride to get ready for our Breast Cancer ride that we're doing on June 6. We planned a 40 mile ride down to Payson and back. What we didn't plan for was the wind. I know I complained a lot more than I needed to (and I'm STILL complaining), but that wind did kick my butt. The ride only ended up being 35 miles, but we figure that the wind added at least 5 miles onto our ride. I couldn't move for about an hour afterwards. Oh, and I feel I need to mention that this ride was a stroll in the park for Regina, she took her kids out on her Rickshaw afterwards.

Here we are before the ride. You know it's before because we're smiling.

Yup, I went to the MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice concert this past weekend. As you can imagine it was all the rave at UVU. It's not every day that you get to see to washed up rappers from the 90's try reinvent themselves.

I got some free tickets from a friend at work and for some reason Steph didn't want to go, I think it was because she didn't have hammer pants to wear. Anyhoo, the best part about Vanilla Ice wasn't when he sang Ninja Rap from TMNT Secret of the Ooze. My favorite was the guy dressed in a Santa costume and a clown mask that kept tossing water on the crowd from liter bottles, then tossing the bottles into the crowd. It was rather bizar.

I was really excited to see Hammer "Take it Back", but his performance wasn't as entertaining as Vanilla Ice's. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed his performance, but I'm still amazed at how each of his songs he is able to include his name some where, if not several times, into the lyrics.

All and all it was a fun concert and I had a good time, I just hope parachute pants will try to make a come back.

New Years Fun

For New Years Eve we went over to some friends in the ward's house, the Stoddards. We had a great bonfire burning old Christmas paper and newspapers left over from Regina's Paper Route.


Brendan by the fire


The kids putting paper in the fire


Chad and Keaton

Malinda.

Regina being precious.

Regina taking a picture of the fire

Chad, Keaton and Brock
Brock and Keaton feeding the fire

Rosy
The fire
Most of us
Rosy and Brendan.
Fireworks

The Road flare that we were all fascinated by, for some reason